Man! It's nice to have people who understand geekspeak. I'm so unused to having people understand just what the hell I'm saying half the time. My parents would be happy and tell me "I'm being sociable! Good for you!" but the reality is that nobody in my family, besides my brother, understands even half the crap I say 90% of the time. I just know so much about computers and gaming. Whenever I meet another geek, it really is like talking in another language. It's like we're from a different country to some people. And in a sense we are; it's a country called "internetland"! (har har). People should learn about what we know; computers rule the world now!
So in gaming news I've not been doing too much. My friends visited me and we're all pretty into drinking... I sometimes just go because they're going. Drinking heavily never really was my thing, but I do it when I'm with them because that's the only way to hang out with them... besides calling each other "gay" every sentence. But don't get me wrong; I love the crap outta those guys unconditionally, I just seriously enjoy being myself for once! I couldn't "geek out" around them; whenever I said the words "presumably" they just wouldn't know what I meant. I would tell them, "it means it's probably true", and they would laugh and say, "why don't you just say that Instead?" I may seem bitter, random, and look like I honestly don't give a fuck about anyone or what they're thinking. My family still calls me "self-centered". But I'm not. I'm a sweet and caring individual with unconditional love and support for my friends, and I have to see the good in everyone or else I'm not happy with myself. I just get frustrated and tired at being misunderstood thanks to my having aspergers and for being such a geek!
I'm an English major. I'm the keeper of the English language, one of my teachers in linguistics told me today. I met lots of cool people to talk to, and my geekiness really brings out the student in some people. They just love being in classes with me, because I just learn so much without even caring or trying half the time. I'm just a natural-born geek, through and through, and I can teach entire books without even reading them, and I'd get better grades than those who did. I don't get it. I'm just seriously good at computers and writing!
I was born without being able to express myself at first. I just had too many personal issues; I had so many disorders people didn't know what to do with me. They said I didn't have to learn cursive, I knew how to make them all teary-eyed and inspired, and I knew that in order to express myself I NEEDED to use the computer to do so. They thought I had to have a physical therapist and voice teacher. In reality, I just had an aspergers focus. And that focus was both the english language and writing! I don't have to try; my disorder does it for me. And I'm good at it!
It wasn't always easy though. I used to scream and break walls and throw tantrums when told I had to write sentences. Teachers just sent me home without a moment's notice and suspended me. They thought I was a 'problem student'. My poor parents, the true saints that they are, were often blamed for my downfalls. I wouldn't be where I am today without them, and my seriously understanding younger brother who never takes any of my shit. The kid's practically older than I am.
Still, I'm a positive and emotional and caring person. It's just hard to accept that I can be such a geek at some times, and such an inspiring and religious and friendly individual at others. Women in my life seldom stay my friend. They would just think I'm funny and random at first, then I'd seem like I didn't care about them or notice them, even when I did but couldn't express it, and they would drop off the planet and set up bullshit "ground rules" because they thought I would hurt and endanger them. And then they'd read my writing and all of a sudden they'd ADORE ME. They wouldn't be just my friend but my confidant and supporter. But nobody becomes romantically involved with me, ever. They are always just afraid or supportive of me, but all the adoring and fear in the world just never get me anywhere. I can't stand being dishonest or fake with people. I stay far far away from "love games" at all costs. I'm just disgusted by it. This, unfortunately, grosses and creeps everyone out. I don't like the people that think this.
Still, I love them unconditionally and always become attached to them if they do, we just never see eye to eye, they don't know that I don't give an honest crap about their looks and their hair and their pretty names, I just care about people talking to me and me making sense to them. Honest, powerful, hardworking, intelligent, wise, and understanding women are the most attractive to me personally. I can't stress that enough. Looks don't hurt too, but that's not my main focus. So take that with a grain of salt ladies; my blog isn't for just dudes who play games, it's for women too! I'm a gigantic supporter of rights for all people, and to be honest it's the most upsetting thing to me. Once I almost fucking smashed the television after thirteen seconds of watching american history x.
Anyway, that was a much unneeded tangent, but I think it's good to expand my audiences and tell people what I'm about. I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole sometimes. I'm not. I just appear that way.
Anyway, I'm making more and more gaming videos and so far nobody has watched them. I'm afraid they have forgotten about me or they thought I didn't care for anybody's views but my own. This is most certainly untrue! I care about too many people honestly to say that I don't give a crapola about them. I care about your posts and am trying all I can to do something positive every time I post!
Did you like the post? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed! Want to buy me lunch? Donate! Keep coming back for more random gaming stuff, and like always Get Randominated!