A year or so ago I came up with an imaginary album and tracklist, using the awesomest tracknames I could muster.
Contains Explicit Content
Band name: Deathpile
Album name: The Sound of Chainsaws and Robot Indegestion
More horses than a glue factory
Lord of the Horde
They call me the panty drencher
Thunderclap Explosion Fest
Zero Sum Equation
I'll hate you till the end of time
Death and taxes (and vengeance)
No Brakes (On the rape train)
Quantum Field Day
Time to kill the chipmonk
Super happy fun time murderfest
Question everything except for the fact that i hate you
Sex with guns
Fistful of clusterfuck
The end of buttache
Satan likes it hard
Lightsaber Nanofalcon and the Dessolation of Wolves
How to fight wars like america in Vietnam:
Blow up every thing.
Village of innocents?
Douse them in napalm they could secretly be bad guys
Blow it up
Shoot everyone and everything. Use flamethrowers. Exterminate as much as you can without actually thinking about how you are going to win
Also use white phosphorous and gas if necessary
Scratch your head when you dont actually win and get sneaked up on by less-gung-ho vietkong while you're having a power trip
The moral of the story:
Don't fight wars like its call of duty and your only purpose is to blow up dudes.
I have an idea for a game item
The "Tactical potted plant"
It would have spy equipment and could explode
When placing it the character would say "planting plant!"
And after would say "plant has been planted!"
If the BFG 9000 is powered by love, then I would totally love my enemies repeatedly point-blank in the face.
My favorite feel-good, funny books are both A Clockwork Orange (I only liked the first part) and also Blood Meridian, which I haven't read yet but I expect to be equally as awesome.
has the word ass twice
GODDAMNIT ENGLISH DICTIONARY STOP GIVING ME REASONS TO HATE YOU
'Aint no party like an OCD/ADHD party because an OCD/ADHD party can't stop.
As a gamer, i would like to thank Ronald Regan for inventing the concept of a railgun while he argued for his space defense plan named "star wars"
Two things i learned about my facewash:
1. That i hate whoever thought putting face-irritating menthol in something made to be used on your face was a good idea
2. The last ingredient is "ultramarines"
DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE LEAFY THINGS
STAY WITH ME NOW
THAT YOU CAN JUST EAT
LISTEN THIS IS IMPORTANT
THAT YOU ACTUALLY *HAVE* TO EAT OR ELSE YOU'D DIE??
I hereby proclaim that comic sans is the new Sarcasm font, because absolutely nobody can take it seriously.
Guys, there's something our society has been doing for a long time that has been bothering me for some time.
this is a roomba. These wonderful little things spend their days cleaning our floors in hopes that someday we will love and appreciate them. They cheerfully whizz away while occasionally bonking into walls and turning 90 degrees and going in another direction.
But some people don't love their roombas. Some people hurt their roombas.
instead of providing their humans with the best floor-cleaning their little proccessors can muster, these innocent machines are forced to kill their fellow roombas for sport. These poor, suffering roombas have known each other since birth and just want to help out and have a human that loves them. Why do we let these adorable guys suffer?
If you donate $1,000,000 to me I will make sure that these innocent machines that just want to be loved recieve the care and support they deserve. For every million dollars I recieve, you are ensuring that roombas everywhere will be free to operate their funcitons in peace without harm or subjection to hacker cruelty.
Try not to think of FPS games as "mindlessly shooting people in various enviornments"
instead, try to think of them as "mindlessly clicking on digital representations of people until they go away"
F.E.A.R. Plot in a nutshell
As told by Randomguy7
First published on the steam forums.
Once upon a time, there was a very poorly watched company that could do anything they wanted without any legal repercussions.
The ceo's little girl, Alma, had a wonderful gift that made her psychic, and she hoped that her future would be bright. So her father said "LETS DO HIDEOUS EXPERIMENTS ON HER AND KILL ALL HER FRIENDS"
So he did. Alma was very sad. Her power was too much for her to handle.
She grew up with agony and resentment for her father.
"What could go wrong?"
The ceo said
"Its not like Alma's godlike power could backfire on us!"
Like every short-sighted evil mastermind before him, Alma's father had his head so far up his butt that he had absolutely no semblance of common sense, and neither did anybody else who worked at Armacham or lived on the planet where the game takes place.
So they made inhumanly cruel experiments and one day they decided they needed more godlike subjects so they made Alma pregnant when she turned 18. Alma had a spark of hope that perhaps maybe this meant that she could have some semblance of happiness, and like every mother before her she eagerly awaited the birth of her children.
Soon, Alma gave birth to two wonderful sons just as messed up and powerful as her, and before she could hold them, they ripped them from her arms and they shot her in the head and she died and they locked her body in a vault hundreds of miles underground watched by the most highly trained personnel on the planet.
Now, Alma was so powerful that even her ghost could be physically manifested, so being killed didn't affect her much, and she decided that she had enough.
The younger son was also psychic like his mother and was also a cannibal and was trained to control legions of clone soldiers remotely.
"What could go wrong?"
The scientists said.
"This could NEVER backfire!"
And it did.
So the Pointman, who never got named because Alma was shot point-blank in the face before she could name him, face wet with tears, had bullettime powers and was born mute. This made him mentally detached and therefore was the most lethal, merciless killer ever to exist anywhere in the universe but somehow this made him a good guy and his brother and mom the bad guys because he was "cool". So he was sent by the only government entity on the planet that actually knew what was going on to go stop his brother and eventually he did and shot him in the head just like they told him to and the city got nuked in the process and the people who didn't die went completely insane or were killed by Armacham, who still didn't have a clue what they were doing and once again could do anything under the sun without anybody knowing without being watched by the government.
Like all psychics, somehow pointman's brother didnt really die and pointman was imprisoned for a while.
So a new dude named Becket and all of his idiot friends who were led by a lady soldier who so far in this story is the only person on earth who had common sense at all, whom the soldiers were completely lost without, was captured by a grumpy old lady named Arisdide who designed all these experiments and Becket was also given bullettime powers and Alma kinda thought he was cute. So, just like her daddy taught her to love, she killed all of his friends and forced a child upon him in the end she rapes him and once again she was pregnant, and Arisdide was a complete jerk and shot the smart lady in the head sealing the fate of everyone and meanwhile some IT geek was shot who tried to stop all this but failed due to his lack of taste in movies.
So Pointman and his brother formed an alliance and broke out of prison so they went back to the blown up city filled with psychopaths and monsters caused by Alma's power-induced rift between dimensions because they thought Alma needed to he stopped, partially because they liked the place, being completely deranged just like their mother, and partially because they had nothing better to do.
They met becket and he was still very messed up from Alma's sexually assaulting him and after he told his past to them he explodes spontaneously. Also, Pointman's lady friend Jin who was the second to last person on earth with any semblance of common sense, partially because she isn't either a testosterone-fueled meathead, a deranged killer, a psychic or anything else, helps them in the process.
So eventually the pointman and his brother reach the Armacham stronghold and kill a ghost of Almas father who trolls them incessantly and they see Alma resting with nobody to help her through labor, cold and emotionless and devoid of life, and the brothers' truce ends, as if in an arguement over who was loved by mommy more.
So in one ending, Pointman kills his brother for good, takes the child, and leaves his mother who died in labor.
In the other, his brother takes the child and promises to raise it to be just as effed up as he is and he cannibalizes his mother to death.
TLDR a sweet and innocent girl named Alma is tortured, robbed of her children, and killed until she becomes angry and evil and everybody involved are total jerks and Alma never had a chance to be happy and many, many, many people die.
Oh yeah and somehow the clone soldiers were awarded, being the first clone soldiers in history that actually knew how to aim and stuff.
P.S. I absolutely adore this game and all of it's sequels.
I've heard people talk a lot lately about red sox, so I figured I could give some advice. I am by no means a healthcare proffessional so this should only be taken as advice.
Red sox should be changed immediately because blood can be a very dangerous biohazard. If you find your sox to be red after a intense run, or for any other reason, you should contact a podiatrist or other healthcare proffessional immeidately to ensure the safety of your foot, likeliness of continued ability to walk, and measures should be taken to prevent blood loss.
If you kill so many people that your sox are red, though, you probably should get your head examined...
Sometimes I feel like a blind person in a nudist colony.
I act like normal and I happily interact with people but it isn't until later that I realise that what I was doing was awkward.
Sometimes I don't feel like a person but some annoying wind up toy that people ignore and try to avoid.
Somewhere, deep inside the sith stronghold...
"Lord palpatine, we're ready to make the first batch of clones!"
"uh... okay. um, we've done a quick gene projection and we've found that the guy we're cloning has trouble hitting targets in groups of more than five people."
"NO IT'S PERFECT! GIVE THEM A FALSE SENSE OF HOPE!"
"but... wait, wouldn't that be-"
"Okay. so, next thing on our agenda is the death star. We've done diagnostics and we've found that there's a blaring flaw in the death star's design that would instantly destroy it if-"
"NO. THIS GIVES ME A CHALLENGE!"
"Uh... fine then."
This scenario is responsible for me, repeatedly pounding my head into the desk on numerous occasions.
Wow! Thanks svedka for that keen advertizement with the HIDEOUS ROBOT WOMAN that was flirty with the camera and the TOTALLY NOT TRUE award on the screen denouncing your alchoholic beverage as "the best vodka of 2033"!
I played Metro 2033, and while that era must surely require heavy amounts of alcohol, I'm not convinced that this advertisement was that well thought-out.
0/10 would not buy.
This rant has been cleaned by Matt Reynolds' FACEBOOK CLEANUP DETAIL:
Hating Matt's rants so you don't have to!
"EVERYONE IS PLAYING JELLY SPLASH"
"JELLY SPLASH HAS 25 MILLION DOWNLOADS"
"EVERYONE IS PLAYING JELLY SPLASH"
"JELLY SPLASH HAS 25 MILLION DOWNLOADS"
"EVERYONE IS PLAYING JELLY SPLASH"
"JELLY SPLASH HAS 25 MILLION DOWNLOADS"
"JELLY SPLASH IS THE MOST POPULAR GAME ON THE APP STORE!
GOD DAMNIT I DON'T F*CKING CARE!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND MY JOKE!
Okay so once there was a detective that worked night and day researching his stolen copy of the nintendo 64 game "Perfect Dark", which was the next game made by the studio behind Goldeneye with roughly the same gameplay in a sci-fi setting.
But he never worked over summer!
His license plate said PDD-NOS
COMING SOON IN 2014:
"I killed a man once. I LIKED IT."
Lawrence is a hardass British Army Lieutenant commando that never takes shit from those in power! In this re-telling if the greatest action movie of all time, driven by his thirst for blood and adventure!
"Have you no fear, English?"
"Yeah. Only how fearsomely well slaughter those English scum!"
This is the tale of a savage rebel bent on revenge for a new generation. With a soundtrack by The Bloody Beetroots and Jay-Z, all just under 80 minutes.
"Those British think their empire will last a century. I'll show them how foolish they really are when my boot crushes their heads, one by one!
LAWRENCE OF ARABIA: DEATHBRINGER.
What Henry Levin's 1959 rendition of Journey to the center of the earth taught me:
1. Sometimes, what sounds like morse code could really be a duck repeatedly bashing it's bill into a plank of wood.
2. There's an ocean at the center of the earth as well as air to breathe, and the water is safe to swim in.
3. NEVER, UNDER ANY CITCUMSTANCES, GET INBETWEEN A GERMAN AND HIS PET DUCK.
4. Atlantis sunk and everybody died with it. There's no underwater civilization there just dead people.
Words within words:
Somewhere, in the futuremark stronghold...
Guy: "Hey it's time for another release, what do?"
Boss: "No. It's time we made a game. Heck all we make are gaming benchmarks, we've got a state-of-the-art engine right there."
Guy: "lol cool. What game should we make then?"
Boss: "idk like GRAVITY with space guns? Deathmatch in space!"
Guy: "that's totes sweet-dacular broham!
Boss: "heaven yeah."
What went through my head when I got SHATTERED HORIZON on some gaming bundle I've never heard of.
"Man, wouldn't it be great if Forrest Gump kept the original novel's way of making fun of mentally handicapped people?"
Said nobody, ever.
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better look out I'm telling you why-
NSA is watching... Your mail!
Here's what I love about the matrix, or more specifically the backstory as told by the Animatrix episodes one and two:
It doesn't make sense to just ASSUME that all robots/computers and the like are out to get you. When just ONE ROBOT does something bad, people go nuts! Heck, even today, people go nuts whenever computers make their own videogames all by themselves! Instead of patting them on the head and say "Good job, computer!" we say: "AGH ROBOT APOCALYPSE ALSJDHGLSDUFHGLSDFHG"
What the Matrix puts so awesomely is that, for years in it's world, the robots tried to coexist peacefully with the humans. After most of them were torn to scrap metal, they fled to form their holy city, 01 (named by robots haha) and tried to apply for the United Nations. Their response?
01 got nuked. Many times. Days even, just nuke after nuke. The robots didn't mind much since they don't evaporate like people do. So they just said "F this! We do so much work and all we get are angry humans! Let's just link them to computers so at least then they'll stop being total jerks to us!"
AAAAND after that, they formed the "human-powered power plant"
And even then, people wanted to kill them all the more. BUT NEO
NEO decided he needed the machine's help in defeating Agent Smith, who was literally spreading like the very virus he claimed the humans were. So he made peace between the humans and machines. FOR ONCE IN ALL OF HISTORY, JUST ONE GUY SAID, OH HEY, ROBOTS ARE COOL TOO AND THE ROBOTS WERE ALL LIKE, SEE, THIS GUY HAS IT RIGHT. LET'S HELP HIM.
robots don't hold grudges, see. Real practical, no nonsense folk. I would assume they had a lot in common with what we call conservative folk in that mindset. Hard workers.
If there's a movie with a female version of link, Ryan Gosling would play the male Zelda.
Ryan Gosling: The only human ever to surpass Elves when it comes to looks.
*warning: I just got back from The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug*
A holocaust survivor once asked me, "what is the greatest way to defeat an enemy?"
I didn't know
He said, "make friends with them."
Never forgot that.
my ENTIRE thought process when it comes to faith
"the universe created itself"
"the universe was made by the big bang"
and before that? It could be an infinite loop for all we know.
"Is it that more we know the closer we get to understanding God?"
some would say that.
"Is it that the LESS we know the closer we get to understanding God?"
some would also say that.
"So would it be fair to say that the main issue here is due to human imperfection?"
yeah i guess
"Does this mean that God doesn't exist?"
Not really. Is it worth throwing away my entire support system? nah.
"Does this mean that God does exist?"
Not really. Is it worth risking my entire knowledge system? nah.
"How much do we know?"
"How much DON'T we know?"
An almost infinite amount, it seems.
"Does the more we know make more to know?"
I guess some things could be said that way, but some things can't.
"Is it that God could be just a matter of belief and not by knowledge?"
One would hope so, but Wisdom comes from God it says, and I prefer to think that all knowledge comes from God and Science is the way of him.
"So is God the Universe itself?"
Well... uh, I wouldn't go that far.
"So is God outside of the universe?"
Most likely. But I don't know.
"So theoretically, if all we know is very little compared to what we don't, do we really know what we don't know?"
Knowing how much we don't? That seems idiotic. I suppose math could solve this, but I would question that.
"So if there is enough of a reason for you to stay with religion since it helps you, and stay with science because it enlightens you, could it be that you don't really want to stay there for God?"
I wouldn't say that. I get caught up sometimes, but I do lose sight of what's important now and again.
"So do you think there is a God?"
Provided what we don't know is almost infinitesimal compared to what we do, I do believe that somewhere out there MUST be an anomaly that matches my definition of God.
"And that is?"
The thing I worship. The thing that I pray to.
"Does this make you know for sure?"
Not really. Is it worth risking so much?
"Do you know if an afterlife exists?"
No, but on one hand, do I know it doesn't? It could be said that if I die believing in Afterlife, that I will die easier. So it's a win-win. I like those odds.
"But does this make you KNOW there's a god besides all that you do?"
Not really. I have faith in myself, and in my wisdom, but I know all too well how stupid and unwise I could be and have been. I believe in providence, not luck. I don't think that without God, that I'd be here today. In a sense, if God can be brought upon by my fellow man, then that is reason enough for me to follow him. I don't know if I will ever find out just why, but I don't know if I can disprove him either. Part of why I'm a Lutheran comes from me being able to do things and believe things as I see fit, provided they don't clash with things that are wrong, as defined by this or that. I don't think that anyone can find out just how much is sin, but then again, All sins are equal in the eyes of God and only God knows just what sin and what isn't. It's not about fear, it's about being aware of yourself.
"But doesn't this make you question your judgement? Don't you fear that you can be misleading yourself? Don't you fear that it's like the blind leading the blind?"
All the time! But does this mean that somewhere I know there cannot be an anomaly that would be just like my God? Certainly not! I'm not sure just why, but I do believe in him. If it gives me only good and takes only my certainty of it's existence, even this isn't much, since I have already agreed that humans know very little in the grand scheme of things. If I were to stop believing in him, I would suffer greatly for the rest of my life, and even then I wouldn't be certain that a God doesn't exist. It would be pointless at this point to even stop being christian if I have just as much a chance at knowing it to be true than not, regardless of my faith. I chose Lutheran Christianity for it's open-mindedness, and in my eyes that allows my search to stop there.
"I guess that makes you okay with being a christian. I suppose that even after all these questions have been asked you still believe in God, then that means you should probably keep following him."
Thanks for reading this far. Not sure how to reward you. Whatever.
Also, don't make any sort of comment regarding religious debates, as I meant this to be for educational use only in regards to why I am a christian and not atheist. my mind is settled and nothing you can do will change that.
I just made another masterpiece in literary form
Randomguy7: hey i just came up with a funny scene to use
Randomguy7: guy: there's a robot blocking our path
Randomguy7: girl: doesn't look like we can kill it.
Randomguy7: robot: KILL HUMANOIDS
Randomguy7: guy: maybe if I overload its memory banks?
Randomguy7: girl: it could work
Randomguy7: guy: hey robot!
Randomguy7: robot: KILL HUMAN HUMANOID KILL BOOP BEEP
Randomguy7: guy: I sleep in lady's underwear!
Randomguy7: robot: TOO MUCH INFORMATION
Randomguy7: robot: INFORMATION OVERLOAD ERROR ERROR
Randomguy7: girl: did you really mean that?
Randomguy7: guy: pssh, no!
Randomguy7: the end
(copied and pasted from steam chat with Eric Seibt)
Today, when typing "give everything" in the popular doom mod, Aeons of Death, which combines over 23 different games, enemies from said games, and weapons from said games into one game, I saw what was possibly the single greatest anti-cheat system I've witnessed.
What was it, you ask?
Whenever a cheat was typed, everything turned pink on the screen... and the "barbie girl" song played nonstop until you ended the game.
so in scriptwriting class, we were each handed an example of the (albeit on-purpose) so-called "worst scene ever in script form", featuring Barbie and Ken and someone else, and were each asked to rewrite it so that it wasn't bad anymore. I have decided to paste it in here, but you'll probably not get all the humor since it makes references off of the old version... but whatever. (Needless to say, it was an R movie script)
WORST SCENE EVER REWRITE
Barbie and ken, after slaughtering at least fifteen thousand nazi yakuza zombie pirates, talk about their day in crypic “CIA” coded speech on their giant robot trex in space.
Ken: “hi barbie”
barbie (wiping nazi yakuza space pirate brains off her shoulder”): What? You wanna do me or something? Get your fucking words out.
Ken: Geez. Sorry. I was just asking how you were.
Barbie (lights her cigarete with the smoking end of her gun) “god, you're such a choir boy. I wasted my time wearing stockings with you. Could have worn sweats.
Ken: that's good.
Barbie: “what the fuck? Agh. You're so stupid. Whatever, at least you're funny.
Ken: “to tell you the truth, barbie, I'm high as balls right now. Can we speak some other time, perhaps at dinner?”
Barbie: “should have known. I guess that's a date then, pumpkin.” (she says this sarcastically and continues to pull brains out of her hair and act generally like a widowmaking badass you don't want to fuck with)
Later, barbie returns home to her private spaceship located in the center of a black hole. She then takes an obligatory 15 minute shower sequence, and afterwards she puts on a tshirt and jeans. She calls her friend.
barbie: “june? June can you hear- fuck, I knew I shouldn't have gone with the black hole. Hold on, let me check the psychic intenet with my brain implants”
june: “uuuugh what's going on? Barbie? Crap, I'm so wasted right now, I'm eating... macaroni? Whatever. I don't know who this guy is... ugh. What?
Barbie: I'm going on a date with ken.
June: “good for you, hope you two hit it off. I mean fuck. Or whatever. God, I'm so tired!
Barbie and ken meet at the pepper mill, a giant mill that instead of killing peppers, kills samurai ninja monkies or something like that, for kicks.
Barbie: “So what? You're just not gonna talk to me now?”
ken: “hold on, was staring at your chest. What?”
barbie: “I can't believe you. You're fucking high all the time! God, why can't I find a guy like, I dunno, duke nukem or some shit?”
ken: “I like pudding.”
barbie: “i'm bored. Let's have sex.”
ken: “yes. Okay.”
they have sex, the end.
on steam chat with Peter Reynolds
"Randomguy7: so get this. today I realized that I am an impulsive game collector... but not just that, I crave the consumption of first person shooters that offer me a very specific type of experience and a very specific myriad of themes and elements. like how H.P. Lovecraft could not help but learn everything there was to learn of Supernatural and Weird Horror. Every time I click on the purchase button, my mouth salivates. I lick my lips. I smile. my eyes widen. My heartbeat quickens. I am addicted, wholeheartedly, to two things in this world: the typing of words into a pattern that pleases the eye, and the consumption of unique ideas, experiences, and mental patterns.
Yellow ninja: you just now noticed this?"
This actually happened.
#addicted #fpsgames #gameporn
If it came down to batman vs wolverine
Batman could just BUY adamantium
No surprise there
What they say:
"You're not yourself when you're hungry"
What they mean:
"You're not yourself without snickers"
What they say:
"Crytek studios is now making free to play games"
What they mean:
"Crytek studios is tired of making great games and want to get as much money possible with little effort"
"hey, mr. president. We have a growing Hispanic population and we have a need to incorporate a Mexican national holiday. here's the list."
(places finger randomly) "THE FIFTH OF MAY!"
"but sir, that's a relatively small holiday, commemorating a battle that-"
"NO MATTER, IN AMERICA IT SHALL BE ABOUT DRINKING AND CHEAP MEXICAN FOOD! HOORAY!"
"Sir that's incredibly heavy-handed and a clear disrespect and blatant sensationalization of the Mexican population's cultural imports. it's overconsuming-"
"YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE ME?"
"...no sir. Sorry sir. I'll incorporate it right away sir."
this looks like a fat alien king asleep whist his vassals play trumpets for him.
Translation: "yes, and find me some food! I cant get them myself i have a glandular problem"
Translation: "nyarlothep you sack of s***"
Producer: "we need to make a comic book and it has to involve new york."
Dude: "so where can our heroes hide out?"
Intern: "THE SEWER!"
Producer: great! But what hides in a sewer?
Dude: i dunno. Turds?
Producer: thats it! Turtles! But why are they hiding?
Intern: BECAUSE THEY'RE NINJAS!
Dude: fighting turtles? Really? What do they fight, mice?
Producer. No. They are trained by a mouse... Their sensei! Rat actually. Rats sound cooler. And they're mutants. How can we make their personalities interesting?
Intern: STEREOTYPICAL CHARACTER ARCHETYPES!
Producer: great!! Like the nerd, the leader, the scary generic armored darth vader ripoff, the funny one, and the angry jerk!
intern: AND A HOT LADY AND PIZZA!
Dude: god you sound like a teenager.
Producer: yes! I got it- teenage mutant ninja turtles!
Dude: my life is empty
cool/creepy/eerie/trippy albums time!
Frontline Assembly - Tactical Neural Implant
The Bloody Beetroots - Hide
Shpongle - Nothing Lasts... but Nothing is Lost
Negura Bunget - Om
The Prodigy - The Day is My Enemy
Crywolf - Ghosts EP
Ed Harrison - Neotokyo
The Berserker - Reawakening
Despise living in a society governed by laws?
DO WE HAVE A COUNTRY FOR YOU!
Immigrate into the republic of congo, most brutally, obscenely violent place on earth, and see what anarchy REALLY brings you!
"hey babe nice stripes"
"I know right. Let's have tons of crazy sex!"
-what you expect it to be
"Can we have sex tonight honey?"
"Nah i really need to finish this boss"
"Why do you have so many figures?"
"Dude you're blowing my score right now"
-how it is in real life
If you majored in engineering you should get engine earrings.
I finally have time to breathe
After all this time.
When I look at the past 5 years,
Not just the school. Everything. The pain, the fun, the friends...
There's not a single goddamn thing I would change.
Sure, I've had scary and tough moments as much as fun ones. But you know what? These past 5 years made me a man. It made me who I am.
I lost my mind, but from it I learned what my mind meant. It made me realize a lot of things, that this stuff doesn't go away, not like Tourette's did.
I'm a better person for going through it, and I got a book out of it, so who's to say it wasn't one of the most important things in my life?
Nothing in these past 5 years was perfect. But I'm proud them.
With some food.
I suffer from chronic awesomeness disorder. Its fatal and I'll die within 80-ish years.
"How to befriend a pachyderm"
By Ellie Phant
I had a dream last night where the europeans were invading all of the supermarkets in the US to destroy our cheese, which they claim isn't fit to be called cheese names like "parmesian" but instead have to be called "parmesian-like". Me and 150 other people stood at the ready as the europeans advanced witht their shopping carts. I yelled, "Let's kill those freaks!" and we opened fire. I killed at least 50 of them before their explosive baguettes and razor-blade pop hit CD's took out at least 75 of our troops, forcing us to fall back to the tall grass marsh that doesn't exist at my hometown's Stater Brothers but does in dreamworld.
After three weeks, I was the last one left. I snuck behind a Cheese Gestapo guard and knifed him from the back, used him as a shield and took out 5 more before the Police, now owned by the cheese gestapo, chased me back to my parents house, where they wouldn't let me in because I had killed at least 500 people defending our cheese from the European threat. I then lived by myself as a vagrant on the streets as Diet Coke was banned as substance, and I woke up shortly before I had died of starvation.
I still have no idea what the heck goes on in my head while I'm dreaming, but this was the most "normal" dream I've had in a long time, so I figured I'd write it here.
Did you know?
Cortizol, the stress hormone, actually attacks and breaks down brain cells!
Stress makes you dumber.
Also, affection (receiving and giving) has been proven to lower cortizol
So when your mom is affectionate she's ensuring you won't be stupid!!
My attempt at pop hit songwriting:
"I Sing into a microphone
All day long
I sing into a microphone
This is my song"
(x5) with edm riffs
Double platnum record radio hit plox
>all pop music in a nutshell
1. I am very smart
2. I am about to graduate, showing that I am smart enough to leave school
3. Being smart is cool
Therefore, I am too cool for school.
by Matt Reynolds
First of all, he hates being called anything but Peter.
Especially when he's called “Squaqleblargh mcjazzlington brogurt mcgee the seventeenth”
His room is bright yellow, as is most of his possessions, and is filled from floor to ceiling with toys that he once loved. He usually doesn't play with them, but it's as if he believed it would be cruel to throw away something that was once sacred to him.
He likes games that aren't violent or engaging, but instead, he likes games that are highly complex, involved and unique. He likes happy things and wears tye-dye exclusively.
He has long dirty-blonde hair that he refuses to see as anything other than blonde.
He's great at math and has a very hard time with english. He loves food and science and is studying to become a food scientist, as if by compromise.
He understands his family usually more than they do themselves.
He has a large group of friends that he's kept from high school and before.
He plays daily with his roommates and (sometimes) his brother, with whom he's beaten borderlands 2 twice with, but with whom he can play with no longer because he cheated to get his character to level 72 but peter hates the concept of cheating.
He has spent over 300 hours in Team Fortress 2.